Lawyers Road Review

There is a publication that comes to me unsolicited called Super Lawyers.

I know some of the people featured there and they seem perfectly ordinary to me, one might say mild mannered. But perhaps when they hear the cry of the client needing legal assistance, they leap into a phone booth, peel off their civilian clothes and emerge as a Super Lawyer.

Actually, I find many of the people who come to see me believe all of us have some kind of extra power that we call on when in conflict. Here are a few examples:

Encyclopedia Juris. All knowledge about the law is possessed by each lawyer. This power is activated by non-lawyers who begin the conversation with “Quick Question” followed by something esoteric about securities law or patents or something that just doesn’t land on my desk or anyone I know. Any lawyer who actually possesses this power is indeed a Superman but is otherwise a very dull boy.

Fix Anything Man. This is closely related to Encyclopedia Juris except the lawyer here is not Superman, he just takes a case that is over his head and makes a mess of it.

Invisibility. There wouldn’t be a need for super hero’s if there were not super villains. Like the power of invisibility. The lawyer who lies in the weeds feigning no issues then leaps out at the last-minute to grab some cash at the tail end of settlement.

Client Control. Lawyers believe other lawyers have the power to charm the client into a reasonable position for settlement, or conversely calming the client such that they stop screaming at the lawyer or the opponent after a loss. I heard of this concept a lot as a young lawyer, and typically saw it exercised by the lawyer screaming back at the client. I do not have this power.

Resurrection. Anyone with any experience under RCW 11.96A, the TEDRA statute, knows it is possible to bring people back from the dead and fix their estates to obtain the right result. Of course many people see this as the ability to change the intent of the testator, summoning forth this power by stating “That’s not what Dad intended!”

Pro Bono Man. This is the guy who never turns down a person in need. The trouble is one cannot be Pro Bono Man without also possessing the power to Bend Time.

The great equalizer is that we all only have 24 hours in a day. Unless this can be increased by use of his superpower to Bend Time, Pro Bono Man is either disbarred for neglect of matters or dead.

Generally lawyers lack superpowers. But then there are those who believe they possess these extraordinary talents when they do not. Generally I find them disagreeable and their clients unhappy.

Instead we are just schooled in our field, experienced, and that is what we have to offer. The costumes only come out at Halloween.